"No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing? U R"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"To err is human. To arrr is pirate."
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Tomorrow's forecast: God reigns and the Son shines!"
"Do you know what hell is? Come hear our preacher!"
"The church is a gift from God. Some assembly required"
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"
"God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts"
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."